photoshoot with daddy!

Tim and Ruby played out in the leaves one day when I was at work. Tim was so thoughtful and decided to document their time together.

As a side note, I didn't doctor up any of these pictures. They are untouched and as raw as they get.

 

I believe that Tim is a natural at taking pictures!

  Hmm...

perhaps another family business?!

Its clear that they are having a little too much fun without me.  ;)

She always wants to help out.  I'm guessing she is copying daddy here.

Wow! This leaves me speechless.

Oh, the fun of being a kid and experiencing the little things.

playing catch up...SUPER long post

A few days ago we went to the north side and enjoyed us some Cracker Barrel. When we all left and our plates were empty and tummies full,  our sugar high took us to a park where we needed to find some way to get our energy out.  It was just another wonderful Woosley memory, which we love to make many!

This has been a beautiful Autumn. Today as I write this it would be a great day to put cozy sweaters and hats on and play outside, but instead we are cozied up on the loveseat watching Polar Express. We are daydreaming about which Christmas tree we are going to pick out, which baked goodies I'm going to make, and which Christmas songs Ruby is going to love!

I know, I know, a little soon to be excited for that, but honestly, I can't wait to experience Christmas again through a child's eyes.  The magical feeling it brings the beauty of The Christmas Story and all the Christmas lights.  I can hear Ruby now as she sees all the lights.  With her eyes open wide, she will let out a big "WOOOOOOW!"

OK, back to Autumn...  ;)

We have taking every day that is nice and spening some time at the park.  She is getting braver and sliding down all the big slides, going on the little and big swings.  We pretend to be flying in the worlds fastest airplane and sliding down the biggest mountains.

Welcoming much imagination.

 This is one of my favorite pictures!

As fall comes to its end and a new season starts, I realize my plans for this fall looked a bit different than what they turned out to be.  I had BIG ideas and excited what God was going to do in our lives.

 OH, wait...I love this one too!!

Your sweet kisses are the best.  They make any bad day go away!

I am prone to believing that I would make a pretty great event planner for God-at least in my life, right?  I know what is best for me, or do I? 

I have such good ideas, why doesn't He consult me more often?

Regardless of what I think is best, after all my consulting with God and thinking we are on the same page, He has bigger and better plans for us.
He is constantly challenging me. The minute I think I've got it under control, he goes and changes it up and allows the rug to be swept out from under me.

 As I look back on my life and I think I've got a great plan, it doesn't always work out.  I'm crushed for that day.  Upon my pondering life's events I realize that it ALWAYS turns out better.

I'm glad I'm not in control. That's too stressful.
Could you imagine?

 Ohhh, daddy's turn to get a kiss.  Goodbye bad day!  Hello a slice of heaven!

I don't like the rug being pulled out from under me.
But which is worse?

Staying the same...
...or changing for the better?

 We wore Converse shoes at our wedding.  In fact, when I first met Tim, he was wearing them with a tux!  So now he wanted Ruby to have a pair.

I was OVER THE TOP when I opened mine up.  It was a good laugh, though!

The sun set so pretty. You are a delight to be with Miss Ruby Grace!

Good night!

 I praise her for her good choices, and gently guide her in the right direction.  Yet as I sit here and attempt to teach my daughter patience, I realize that I have only a few short years to teach her BIG stuff.  Stuff that right now she won't understand but it will benefit her in the future.

 I don't want to miss the sweet small things or take our time together for granted.  I want every day to be intentional.  The last thing I want is to just get by.  For one day to run into the next and then someday wonder where all those important years went.

I wonder if maybe that's exactly what God is trying to teach me.

******

VALA'S

We always look forward to all the wonderful things that fall brings--the smells, the colors, and the events.

Vala's Pumpkin Patch definitely has a very fond place in our hearts.  We've gone here every year since I've known my husband and even some years before I knew him.  We've watched this place grow like crazy.  Every year they add many more family things to eat, ride, play or watch.

Ruby absolutely LOVES horses.  She had a smile that never stopped.

Ruby was here when she was only a few months old.  I carried her in a moby wrap, which I think I wore for most of her first year of life.  She slept through the majority of it, but we were so proud to have a child we could share this with...awake or asleep.

Ruby at 8 weeks old

Yep, she's growing fast.  And a ton of fun!

Although she is a little dramatic at times...Wonder where she get that from?

She was doing all the right moves.  "I'm a little tea pot, short and stout..."

"...Here is my handle.  Here is my spout."  So Darn Cute.  We got some on video!

This park area is all new and pretty cool! You can build your own log cabin or just play on the super fun play set!

She had a ball on this slide except when she came out upside down. She gave us that look of terror on her face. That was the last of that slide.

Tim made Ruby laugh so hard bouncing up and down.

Watching a dog show here! (hence the HUGE smile on Ms. R's face!)

Good-bye Vala's.  You never disappoint.

****

I wanted to see the interstate where it was flooded.  It had been cloudy all day and raining here and there.  When we went to this lookout point, the sky opened up and the sun now owned the heavens just as it was going down for the day.

It was stunning!

She found and picked a flower.

Danced around.

Did funny poses.

She sat and ran.

The sun lit her up like a Christmas tree.  She had a glow to her just like every thing around her. 

Heading home from such a lovely day.  We'll have to do this again!

Aw, CRAP

 "Tim, are we ready to do this?"

"Yep, Let's do this." he replies.

Wait...

Can we afford this?

What's it cost again?  HOW MUCH?

Well, I guess the price went up, huh?

Tim reasures me, "Babe, we can do this!!"

OK.OK.OK.

Physically, ready.

Emotionally, ready.

Scared.

Anxious.

Excited.

Buckle Up.  We are ready to take a ride.

 "So, Doc, what happened last time?" I ask curiously.   "We had 14 eggs fertilized and only two made it to five days.  Then, of course, we only ended up with one."

"Well, as I looked back on your chart, it looks like all the eggs disintegrated." was her reply.

"REALLY?" I thought aloud.  I was surprised.

She noticed my concern. "This time we are going to give you LESS medicine.  That should give you less quantity but better quality."

Wow.  Ruby was from that same In-Vitro Fertilization.

"Babe, can you believe that?" I asked.  "Ruby is truly a miracle."

OK.  Great news.  Today is finally the last day on this birth control pill.  Those 26 days were not fun.  Now it's time for the serious stuff. 

Time for the shots.

Wondering, I ask,  "OK, Babe, do you remember how to give me those shots?"

"Of course," he says confidently,

"It's just like riding a bike, huh?"

Deep breath in and out.

I tell myself to think of something else...

Inside my mind I am whimpering, "Oh, that stings!  It's burning!"

And... that's it.

"That was fast, babe." I encourage.

"Good job."

We do this all over again 12 hours later.

 

 We go up to Omaha again tomorrow. This time we do another lab and ultrasound.  No need to get a babysitter.

Can you believe that in ten days I could be pregnant?!  Oh, Man. It seems to be going fast!!

I'm so excited!

 "Babe, just a few weeks ago I was really anxious." I tell Tim.  I hate that feeling.  It felt like I couldn't get a deep breath.  I would stop what I was doing and take a deep breath, trying to control my feelings.  I had to ask myself what my problem was.  It was kinda gnawing in the back of my head.  A feeling I was wanting to ignore.

Just then it hit me.

Emily, you have to give this up.  Give this to God.  It's going to be a bad fight if you do this alone.
Trust Him.
Trust Him.

 

That day things changed.

I gave it up.

I asked for peace.

I received a peace that I can't explain.

 

Anxiety is a terrible feeling.

It can steal your joy.

It makes you focus on yourself.  You can be sucked into a state of busyness and restlesness all at the same time.

You miss seeing the good things because your trying to feel better.



Just then.

IT was GONE.

Felt like someone had takin a bullet to that feeling inside me a killed it.

Peace replaced it.

Tim and Ruby are waiting in the waiting room in the doctor's office.  I head back to get lab work done and another ultrasound.  Today is day three on the shots.  That means we've already gone through $900 in medicine.  In that very short time that money slipped through our hands.

But you wanna know something?

That money means nothing to us compared to wanting a child.

It could of been three times that amount and we wouldn't have blinked an eye.

Meanwhile, I'm looking at Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie's family of seven, wondering if they went through in vitro or something like that?   If so, it was just pocket change for them.

I catch myself admiring them.  Why?  Not for their fame or fortune or looks or anything as petty as that.  But because they have what we want so bad.

Children.

 

The doctor comes in the room.  Once again, I'm literally in a uncomfortable postion.

She says "Are you ready?"

Yep.

 

"Oh Em..."

She looks at me through the top of her glasses.  She starts shaking her head as if I had just done something that deserved a grounding.

With great disappointment she says...

 

"You have a runaway follicle."

...a runaway what?

"No, I don't." I argue.  "It's right there...I see it." (I've seen those black,and white screens enough) "Actually I think that follicle looks big and perfect." I replied with my two cents.

"That's the problem," she responded.

"It's too big, too soon."

"So... we can't do it this time?"

No. Sorry.

I try to lean closer into the black and white screen, forgetting that I'm connected to this device.

I recline back and try to process how that could be possible.

Grilling her for answers. She can't explain it.

"This just happens sometimes." she tells me.

This just happenes sometimes.  I can't deal with "this just happens sometimes."

 No explanation.  After all the testing, drugs, and studying my body, that's all I get.

Still feelling a indescribable peace.   I'm also left with feeling a natural disappointment and again another road block for us wanting to have children.

Our desire to have children is so strong that it hits the very core of my husband's and my heartstrings. We have longed and waited for our children.  Been face down in prayer.  Sometimes I catch myself begging for children.

I believe He's not saying, "No."  He's just saying, "Not now."

I tell myeslf to remember that weight that was lifted off of my chest.

It's not about me and that's a hard truth to swallow.

It's never been about me.

 

Sweet Jesus, mend my heart.

Something too hard is simple for you.  Nothing is too difficult for you.

I will rest my emptiness in you.

So now what?

We wait.

I believe I'll gain a strentgh from what is so hard to handle.

Refining.

Refining.

I don't like refining.

You Give and Take Away.

and yes,

I will praise you in the storm.

another phone dump!