These are the days

 

I lay the boys down to bed before laying with Ruby. The shades are drawn. The sun is still peaking through the blinds.  Ruby and I finish our book and while we prays she always asks, "Mommy, what did we do today?" I go through the day and she thanks Jesus for what we did. We exchange our I love yous, kisses and hugs and I ask her if she wants me to lay with her for five or ten minutes. She always responds with,"Ten minutes SLOWEST."

 

She falls into dreamland. I think back on the day realizing how in the midst of everything it can feel long and monotonous. But in the grand scheme of things these are the days that Tim and I will reminisce over. The "remember whens" and the "wow, times flies" will soon be our reality.  

 

 

I walk out of Ruby's room as she's sleeping and start to pick up the left over tornado debris that sweeps through my house daily. The books, the favorite stuffed puppies, the balls, the cars and the princesses accessories. The colors and notebooks filled with treasures. The dinner dishes. The food on the floor that gets squished between my toes. The piles of laundry.

 

I get it picked up. Uninterrupted. In the quiet. I start to regain some sanity.

 

 

 

I thank Jesus for this mess because I get to have kids.

 These day are sweet. They are challenging.

 

It's our beautiful chaos.

These moments are fleeting and I don't want to forget.

 



 

These are the days...

 

when I'm looking for wide open spaces for the kids to let off some steam. Parks are a favorite too, but the boys have figured out a way to make parks a bit unsafe.

 

 

 

These are the days...

 

when couch cushions spread over the floor make great slides and climbing toys. It will entertain them for hours.

 

When naked time is a highlight of their day. In fact, it's a great mood changer. If they aren't getting along, naked time brings instant happiness every time.

 

The way we carry the boys to bed, singing our nightly song that they hum with us as they move their heads side to side, smiling as we lay them down. They wave at each other across the room and sometimes blow kisses. We turn on the sound machine and the star nightlight and they lay in their crib's smelling their favorite blanket and binky.




 

 

These are the days...



The way Ruby mothers those boys.

The way that she loves them

and is concerned for them when they are about to pull some Evel Knievel act together.

 

She gets their attention and can change their course just by her smile and encouragement.

The way all the kids desire kisses from each other. Their constant smacking of the lips and heads extended forward toward each other needs no words. They drop what they're doing and give out their best.

 

These are the days...

 

when my hair is dirty more often than clean and my TOM hat is a regular accessory. When the thing you're looking forward to is not a vacation but a shower...I know, Pathetic...please tell me you can relate?

These moments when I go behind a closed door for 30 seconds and all hell breaks loose. It shouldn't surprise me how in a moment everyone can be hurt and crying so fast.

We are still singing our #1 favorite song regularly to the children. It's called,

"You Can't Always Get What You Want."

We sing it not only to Ruby anymore. The boys get it sung to them often, too.

Ruby has even sung it to ME.

 

"Your going to have to..."   "...Wait." Is a close second as daddy and Ruby dialogue this one daily.

 

These are the days...

 

when Tim or I lay on the floor and the boys see us as an instant jungle gym, cuddle fest or a trampoline. Oliver cracks up and thinks it's hilarious to sit on my stomach really hard over and over again. The floor time ends there.

 

 

These are the days...

 

in the car when out of nowhere you hear giggling from the back. They're playing peek-a-boo and it's enough to entertain them.

 

The way they say "daddy" and "mommy." They way they look at us. This awesome connection that just comes from how they look at us, it's the reassurance they need. A safety that they can only get from Mom and Dad.

That ultra tight hug that Oliver gives. The kisses and kisses Simon gives and conversation with Ruby. She has such a beautiful heart.

 

These are the days...

 

when car rides are bliss for Tim and me.

 

Something as simple as spending the evening on the couch together after the kids are all in bed. Moments like this are almost as close to a date night that we get.

 

We celebrate over nachos or pizza. It's nothing fancy, but I'm not in this for fancy. It's a evening of no interruptions and no extra dishes and that's enough to make us happy.

 

It's the many moments when life is crazy busy, balancing three children four and under, which all of them play off each other. That Tim stops me in my tracks, gives me that hug, that kiss, that touch, that look, that is a reminder that we are in this together. We're a team. And I let out a huge sigh and it gives me the balance I need.

 

When Tim and I can take a stroll at Holmes Lake. I can close my eyes and pretend we're in Hawaii. It's the cheapest vacation I've ever taken. It kind of works for around 30 seconds or so, but sometimes it's all I need!

 

 



 

Right now the kids want to be with us. I know there is a day coming when this won't be the case. During this time in life I hear my name "mommy" cried out in such desperate longing as if  they haven't seen me all day. All they want is me to hold them and be with them. No words needed, just time invested. Constantly.

 

These days have definitely proven to me just how selfish I really am. Being a mother is all about self sacifice. Pick up your cross and get off the couch. Put down your phone and make dinner. Stop dreaming of... "When they grow up, then we can..."
Get over it, Emily.


These are the days right now. I'm living them. 

Right now we are their main influence. Our goal is to teach, teach, teach, and then discipline.
I fail daily.

 

I'm learning to close my mouth more and trying hard to listen instead of lecturing. I'm sure this will get even more challenging as they get older.

 

 

 

Right now I can say that I love the smell of their necks, cheeks, ears, and lips.  In fact, I've called both boys "Mr. Delicious" and Ruby, "Mrs. Delicious." ;)

 

 



These are the days...

 

 where Ruby is asking them to say "daddy," "mommy," and other words they can say.

They repeat the requested words back to her and she gets a huge kick out of it, cracking up at them and saying, "That's adorable." My favorite is when they call her "bee-bee" or "ooby."

 

These are the days...

 

when all at once my children become demanding. I can handle it for a while. Then, all the sudden, all love and logic goes out the window. I shout out something. I feel like the bad parent of the year. I forget how to respond. Instead, I react.

 

 I'm thankful they are resilient.

 

 



There are many days that we pray out loud that Jesus would help us with something. Recently I will hear Ruby ask Jesus to help mommy with something...help find something... hope something's not broke.

 

It's not only awesome to hear her do this spontaneously, but almost every time whatever she is praying for God answers. My prayers are different. Things that are so far ahead in life. Hers are right now. I see him answer them.

 

It blows my mind.

 

We celebrate that!

 



When Target is the outing that I'm looking forward to in the day and when I finally get there. My children start acting out and the thing that I was looking forward to is now become a stressful event. I try to tame my three wilds...who am I kidding?

 

Let's GO.
 

 



 



 

The way they love to hold hands!

 

 



 

The way their daddy loves them, cares for them, talks to them, spend times with them.

 

 The way they look at his pictures on the wall and say his name. The way when they hear daddy come in the door they rush to see him. They way they look at him, love him, and want to be with him.

 

 



 

This bond that is so close so early on. Twins fascinate me...
 

 





 

 

 

 

This little lady has a million and one questions daily. It can be irritating during my selfish time's but she's really learning so much right now and soaking it all in. She'll ask me a lot if I did what she's doing at that moment when I was a little girl. She ask about my mother a lot. She wants to know the names of her grandparents' parents! She's thoughtful and a joy. 

 

And these kids are all mine.

 

oh, and Tim's, too.

 

These are the days...

 

help me cling to each beautiful one.

mommy, you're right!

 "Ruby, do you want the light on or off?"

 "On!!"

"Would you like an apple or berries?" 

"Berries!!"

 

"Dinner is over in 10 minutes..."

 

"The car is leaving in 5 minutes. Come along if you want to have fun."

 

"Feel free to pick up the toys you want to keep!"

I leave the room for a few minutes and she's busy picking them up. No complaining! Because there was a few times I put all the toys in a garbage bag and put them in the basement.

She learned FAST.

 

This works like a charm when I remember to do it.

 

 

 

I started doing the "Love and Logic" book with Ruby four months after the boys were born. I was desperate to figure out how to help her adjust to the craziness of her new world.

She responded well to it. I have to revisit the ways of love and logic since I've always been a reactor instead of a responder. I love how simple the book is. It's just not simple to do.

I'm learning that our mother/daughter relationship has an ebb and flow to it.  Sometimes I don't realize where we are in the cycle of those ebbs and flows until I start pulling out love and logic again, thinking I've have this challenging daughter.

In the last two weeks this book, those chapters, words and phrases have been repeating in my mind. "Emily don't react. Breath. Think. Then respond."
 



 

That voice in my head tells me that I can't do this parenting thing. It's just too hard (Kudos to those of you who have more than three children).

 

 I bite my tongue as I want to say a comment to Ruby that will do no good. Sometimes in mid-sentence I change my direction and tone and suck it up. Other times it's too late and I said something out of frustration. Which leads me to apologize to her.

  

I don't consider her strong willed. And I'm not bragging when I say this, but I think she's a smart girl who get it. She know how to push buttons. I see her do this with the boys all the time. I see it in her eyes. I watch her body language. She's easy to read. And I'm on to her!

 

 Yes. I've said that ridiculous phrase. "I'm older than you." I've been on this earth longer than you have. She looks at me, confused. I turn my back to her and roll my eyes at myself and think... did I JUST say that?

 

 

I'm trying to celebrate her good behavior. There is almost nothing cooler then talking positive about her to her. Or talking positive about her to Tim in front of her. Her whole face lights up. Her eyes literally shine. Her face radiates joy. And she acts better.

Today was a pleasure with her. Not that everyday isn't. I just didn't have a fight with her on everything that came out of my mouth.

Today, she actually said to me...

 "Mommy, you're right."
 

I had to ask her to repeat that! I danced over that phrase. I let her know how good that was to hear coming from her. So she told me I was right on a few other things, watching my response.

 

I have to remind myself that the reason I'm doing this is to help her be responsible for her choices. It also helps Tim and I keep our sanity! I love that I don't have to gripe at her. Our relationship has gotten better.

 

I'm so thankful for this book and the many mom's that recommended it. It has truly been a God send.

Trust me, it's not always cake. It's hard work and it goes against my grain.

However, has taught me patience and I've had to chill out on a lot of stuff.  But anything that's worth doing is worth doing well.

 

And she's worth it.

a new pair of eyes

Wow 2012, you had tons of surprises in store for this family!

 I've been looking back through my pictures from the year and honestly, this year has changed us the most during my married life, probably in my whole life.

I was thinking back to last December 22, 2011 with our positive pregnancy test. I was jumping up and down in the bathroom at 6 o'clock in the morning, praising God and trying not to wake Ruby. I walked (wanting to skip) in our bedroom and said, with tears running down my face and in complete shock, "Honey, we're going to have a baby!" We were so thrilled and excited we couldn't sleep so we had to celebrate our little miracle with some tasty breakfast.

 The first three months brought me much morning (translate: all day) sickness. I spent most of my days off in bed with Ruby. She would watch a movie and I would dose off, sleeping the sickness away. When I wasn't in bed we did things you can do with one child.  We gave her lots of attention. She was two and a half years old and really pretty easy.

11 weeks pregnant

During the first few months of the pregnancy, people mentioned that I looked big. I thought,

 "It's my second pregnancy. I have no stomach muscles. And yes, I'm big."

21 weeks pregnant

The day before Tim's birthday we had our first ultra-sound. While the doctor was doing his review he said, "Uh, Guys..." We both started to panic.  When a doctor says something like that during an exam, you freak out. Thoughts fill your head like, "Is the baby OK?" "Does it have six heads?" "Is it an alien?" I immediately processed that as bad news.

 "You have TWO!"

 I'm not kidding, you could hear a pin drop. "...huh?" Processing. Can't processes that fast.  After what felt like minutes I said, "Tim?!" I wasn't sure if he passed out. He was sitting in a chair and I couldn't see him the way I was laying.

 The next thing out of my mouth was, "Are they healthy?" The doctor responded, "Oh, yes! They look GREAT!!" I felt like I had just won the lottery but on a much bigger scale.

Thinking back on my childhood, I remember talking with my friends about someday wanting to have twins. I'm not sure if every little girl thinks like this. I just never thought I would be that person.

During  pregnancy I spent my time eating a lot of protein. A LOT of protein. I'll never forget it. I had to consume 120 grams a day. That's the same amount as professional bodybuilders eat!  But, I guess I was a bodybuilder, only building two at a time! When I ate I had to check a box off a daily list to make sure these babies would grow.

Thankfully I had a pretty uneventful pregnancy. I Just got REALLY big. Before I delivered, I measured 55 weeks pregnant. 55 weeks?  That's measuring over a YEAR pregnant!  Trust me, I felt like I was a year pregnant.   I got really tired of all the comments from strangers. Their jaws would drop,and their eyes would bulge. And the ridiculous statements that were made! I felt like I should of been in the freak show at the fair, sitting next to the bearded lady. It didn't help that the summer was one of the hottest it's been in years. I would step outside and swell up like a elephant.

This was 3 days before my water broke!

When the babies were born It was truly a life changing event. I came out a stronger, more confident woman.

I am so thankful and blessed! Simon was 5.7 lbs and Oliver was 6.8 lbs. I loved my midwife and birth team. I am so glad I got to know them. Simon came naturally and Oliver took his time coming and turned the wrong way at the last minute.

***

As a side note, for those of you that like birth stories and have been asking about mine, I'm planning on writing it out soon.

The doctor cut through my bladder during the c-section. I was in surgery much longer then what was planned. Ten days after babies were born, I developed a abscess. I was then hospitalized for staph infection. I had another surgery and was sent home with a wound vac. I was in a lot of pain during those weeks as I healed. The doctor told me to go home, put my feet up and get LOTS of sleep.

"Sure, Doc, I'll get right on that as soon as my babies are grown."

Our world was turned upside down and inside out.

first time the babies were together (it took a week!). Unbelievable.

Healing... healing... healing...

The first eight weeks of the boys home was an eye opener. I wish we could have had more sleep during that time. Ruby just turned three years old. She had always been the only child. Now her life was changing and I couldn't give her the time she was used to. But she honestly handled it like a champ!

I went from being a mom of one to a mom of THREE! I now know what people were talking about when they mentioned feeling out numbered.  Being out numbered with a three year old and two infants brings a whole new look to it. Whew! Zombie parents!

                                                                              Beautiful

                                                                              Love

                                                                              Excited

                                                                              Sleep deprived

                                                                              Secure

                                                                              Elated

                                                                              Delighted

 How did God think we could handle this? We did get some help from wonderful people, but we were mostly on our own.

God has a plan. Right?

 "How am I going to do this?" I ask myself. I never had an answer. I just kept taking care of those babies and my three year old. I couldn't help falling in love with my new "big" family even though I was in survival mode. I honestly didn't know my heart could grow bigger. 

We started coming up for air around the boys being nine weeks old. At that time I was was almost fully healed from my surgery. It felt so good to hear those words. Ruby was doing really well. I enjoyed watching her as she blossomed into being a big sister, which she wears really well.  Tim was back to work. I also started back a few hours and that was just what I needed.

And now here we are at the beginning of 2013. Looking back and reflecting on 2012 I am feeling abundantly blessed. My cup is overflowing. We may not have much money but I feel richly blessed beyond any dream that I've ever dreamed.  

I find myself smiling as I take care of these children. I have to keep reminding myself that I get to keep them! Really? SWEET!

Really sweet, indeed...

November 2012

I'm so excited and looking forward to teaching them as they teach me. I  am reminded myself regularly what it is to see through there eyes by having a child-like faith.  I can't wait. But please, take your time!

So my goal as a mother is to invest as much as I can in these children for the time that I have them. My husband reminds me, "Emily, we get one shot at this." So here is to 2013! May it be filled with much joy, living intentionally and teachable moments.

Cheers!

the kicker

Here we are at 35 weeks! When I first found out I was pregnant with twins, 35 weeks felt like it was years away.

 Things are going really well and babies are moving around growing A LOT! As I sit here and write this, I take in the feeling of both of their movements. It feels like they're playing a game of tennis! One will move and the other will follow, responding to each other as their bond already seems so strong.

I've had to baby my body, making sure that I eat 120grams of protein EVERY day which prevents so many problems. Eating properly has kept my swelling down. It's been challenging, but I feel that it has been a huge success considering the fact that I am in the last few weeks of this pregnancy and having record temps outside.

I always have my leukocytes checked and that tells many different things. One thing they watch for is sugar, which is what yeast lives off of.  Thankfully, I've only had one test that I showed a small amount. The test I had today had a trace which is because I been enjoying a few chocolate covered almonds after a meal. So bye-bye treat.  Strict orders.

Babies are probably 5+ pounds each. Heart rates are very strong. You can hear the heartbeat all the way up and down their bodies.

The kicker for me is that I'm measuring 52 weeks pregnant. Yes, that's 12 months pregnant folks. And let me tell you what, I feel like I am.

Looking forward to meeting these babies. So incredibly proud and blessed that I get to have twins.

Would I do it all over again?

You Betcha!!

happy fathers day!!

 Hey, hey, sweet daughter

I am so proud to be your father

Each day is like a gift from God

Hey, hey, sweet daughter

There’s no music like your laughter

And your smile is like a rising sun

You know I loved you from the start

So come in close

Take my hand while

Daddy shares his heart

 I wish that I could be your everything
Be the one to give you all the things you need
Sometimes I’m gonna let you down
But there’s Someone if you just believe
Be your hero like He’s always been for me
Darling, Jesus is the one you need

 

No matter what you walk through

He will always love you

Just the way you are

For there’s nothing in this world

That I’d want for my baby girl

That she’ll be happy ever after

The story of your life is still untold

I pray the King of all the Universe

Would make your heart His own

Who will never leave

He’s been there all along
Oh, when you're ready
you can find True Love

 I wish that I could be your everything
Be the one to give you all the things you need
Sometimes I’m gonna let you down
But there’s Someone if you just believe
Be your hero like He’s always been for me
Darling, Jesus is the one

"The One You Need"

Shane And Shane

Happy Fathers Day!

"I  ove you, daddy!"

full time mommy

This girl loves water like I love a good massage.  Today we went outside for a change of pace after spending most of our day with my feet up, babying my ever growing body.  I'm now on maternity leave and as much as I miss conversing with adults at work, I can't ignore my soul's desire to soak up every moment with this girl.

She looked at the hose laying on the ground then looked at me and with a BIG grin she said, "Play water?"  "Go for it." I told her. She had on her clothes and a bow in her hair that she put in herself.  Many times as a mom I ask myself a question, "What's it going to hurt? (if she gets wet?) If she dumps all the playdough on the kitchen floor?  Or spills jello on her shirt?"

But that question doesn't come natural.  Maybe it's because I'm older and its harder for me to just roll with it.  To let her be a kid and fail at things or learn why not to do them.

I try to offer her many choices. Well, two choices. She seems to do better if she feels like she in control.  Who said "two's" are terrible?  This age is fantastic!  Sure, she has her moments but, then again, so do I.

*******

Daddy was out mowing the lawn and he came inside and said "Ruby do you want to catch some fireflies?" She was watching her daddy very closely but didn't want to catch them herself.

******

Sunday afternoon a rain storm swept through Lincoln.  Tim, Ruby, and I were relaxing inside when we heard thunder crackling in the far distance. The temperature dropped dramatically and I couldn't help but to grab my camera and invite my side kick to play out in the rain.

She did what every kid does in the rain; she ran around like crazy, sticking her tongue out, jumping in the puddles, and running around like it was raining candy.

*****

I had a midwife appointment last week and it went well.  I'm just struggling with the heaviness in my belly and my constantly feeling weak.  I'm noticing many signs right now that I noticed in LATE pregnancy with Ruby.  My belly isn't only low, it's high also. 

I have what you call an "overhang" (where my belly is lower then my pubic bone) Doesn't that just sound lovely?  ;)

Anymore I just have to laugh at all the changes and accept it, while looking for the beauty in all of it.

I feel fingers stretch inside me all the way down.  It feels like they're reaching to my knees while the other guy is kicking my ribs out.  Carrying two is WAY different than carrying one. 

I have 10 weeks left and I'm liking the countdown!   I'm 30 weeks but I'm measuring 47 weeks.   I will probably measure anywhere from 75-85 weeks when we are all said and done.

So to every person walking down the street that sees me and says, "Wow, did you see that lady?", "Are you OVERDUE?", or "Woman you're going to pop!"

Or...

 ...to the lady at Ace Hardware that gave me a look of complete disgust at the size of my belly

 (no kidding),

Watch out insensitive people, this momma's hormonal!

Every day is a good day but I'm not going to sugar coat it... I have my moments.

  Being pregnant alone is a miracle in itself. Having twins naturally is still blowing my mind away.

 Nothing wonderful comes easy right? Success most of the time doesn't come over night. Finding a spouse and marrying the right one takes time, changing of yourself doesn't happen over night, or at least not with me.

 I have to remind myself that carry two babies is NOT a piece of cake.

 But then again anything hard is worth the fight.

Whether it's physically or emotionally.

happy

I've made it to 25 weeks in no time at all.


 It seems like yesterday that Tim and I celebrated the news of this miracle happening inside me.

Great News...
Babies are around 2 lbs each and over 14 inches long.

I've had to slow down a lot. Work has changed dramatically for me. I still work my Tuesdays and Fridays but only at 10-2pm doing colors. As of June 1st,  I'm starting maternity leave.  The date on coming back not yet established.  I feel the best in the mornings and as the day goes on the pain increases. There is such a big difference from caring one baby than two.

I'm still trying daily to get my 120grams of protein. That itself takes much attention.

But with all that said,

I'm so close to meeting these two boys that we get the privilege of raising.  I can't wait to birth them, hold them, smell their newborn smell and nurse them. Hear their crys and coos. Support their little heads in the palm of my hand as I study them and Praise God for this very special gift.  I look forward to the smell of a freshly bathed newborn and watching Ruby bloom into this big sister role that I believe she will wear proudly.

As our family dynamics are changing a very small part of me grieves the fact that I can't give all the attention to Ruby anymore.  BUT that is a VERY small part of me.  I know these two boys will be the puzzle piece that we didn't know was missing.

The next three months Miss Ruby and I are going to spend a lot of time together. I'm always searching for new ways to tell her I love her. The challenge is thrilling.

 She is growing into such a lovely little girl. I love that today as we speak, we're creating her childhood memories,  that she will remember forever. What a gift to be able to be apart of someones life, to be their momma, advocate, protector and provider.